Thursday, March 10, 2011

Security for the Teen Male

Sorry for my long absence, with the holidays and work things have been a bit hectic.  Staying with the short posts for now, let’s discuss security for the teen male.
Teen males have a bit of a different security issue to deal with than females.  Males in their teens generally fall into one or two of three categories; they can be the leader, follower, or a loner.  And to clarify, being a loner is not necessarily a bad thing.  They can be the kind of loner that all of you may be thinking of, the kind that doesn’t fit in and may have anger and self-esteem issues.  But there are also those that are just quiet.  They get good grades, have a high self esteem, but for whatever reason don’t socialize according to the “norm”. 
Leaders:  Leaders can also fall into two separate categories; they can either be the alpha male jocks that others look up to in a positive way (for the most part) or they can be the bully that others look up to in a negative way.  This class may have the highest security issues due to the very nature of their personality and their attempt to maintain their popularity.  Because of their personality everyone takes notice of them, both the good and the bad elements.  For example, let’s say that Johnny is the most popular kid at school and he is going to throw a party…who is going to come?  That’s right!  EVERYONE.  From my own personal experiences, mass parties usually teeter on the brink of chaos and there is no way that one guy can regulate all of those people.  Things will be broken and stolen and fights will most probably break out, especially if alcohol is involved.  Also, because of his popularity he will probably have more face time with more people which could lead to more anger direct towards him.  Think of the less popular kid, who doesn’t have such an alluring personality, watching his girlfriend flirt and make ga ga eyes at Johnny.  I’ve seen it happen plenty of times.  Common sense tells us to drop the girl and find someone who really cares about you.  But almost all teens lack common sense at this age, especially when females are involved.  Now Johnny may have become a target and he doesn’t even know it.   The bully, on the other hand, makes enemies more directly.  But due to his confidence and perceived invincibility from those whom he torments may feel as if there will never be any ramifications for his actions.  Bullying has seen a decline in recent years after the many high profile suicides and shootings shown on national television resulted in sweeping reforms throughout the U.S., mostly in the educational arena.  Many schools now have a “no tolerance” policy towards bullying, harsher punishments specifically for bullying, and workshops for the teachers on how to recognize bullying and how to stop it starting at the elementary level.  
While the first line of defense for these “leaders” continues to be and has to be themselves, parents, peers, and role models come in a close second.  At this stage in life, many teens feel 10ft. tall and bullet proof and think nothing bad can ever happen to them.  It is up to the adults who care for the individual to discuss potential dangers with him and ensure that they are at least aware of the negative consequences that could come from being on “top”.   Parents also need to be mindful of the fact that their property could become collateral damage in any dispute their son may currently be involved in, even if he doesn’t know he is in a dispute  (yard jobs, house or cars being egged, house being toilet papered, broken windows, keyed cars…).
Followers:  The main concern with followers is that they can be loose cannons.  Leaders set the pace with their actions and personalities and a lot of followers try to imitate them and bask in the residuals they get just by being around them.  Some followers, however, feel the need to be recognized by the leader or outshine him in order to steal some of the spotlight and to that end will go above and beyond what their leader, who is already pushing the boundaries, would do.  Consider the leader who, at a party, decides to drag race his car down the street for a bit to the whistles and applause from the audience.  Seeing his chance, the follower does the same thing but needs to go faster and drive more recklessly in order to show that he can be better than the leader.  Or in the case of the bully, imagine the follower one-upping his leader and instead of throwing eggs at a car decides to throw rocks to show he has “balls”.  I mention these scenarios because I have seen them, and more, first hand. 
Again, in order to minimize the security threat the same recommendation I gave for the leader can also apply to follower. 
Loner:   The bad loner, the one everyone thinks of when you mention loner, can potentially be a real threat to himself and others.  The fact that he is a loner isn’t the issue, it is the why?  Early intervention from the key players mentioned above is critical.  There are a lot of reasons one could be a loner but more than likely, as a teen, he will see some negative responses because of it from his peers.  The good loner is usually the “safest” of the bunch due to his self esteem and low profile.  Most people leave him alone because they don’t really know he is there or he is easily forgettable, and those that do pick on him are immediately confronted either by the individual or those around him that feel the need to protect him, or he tells someone who can help. 
You may notice that this post has differed from the female version in that the female version I identified specific threats towards the girls that they may face.  In this post I gave an overview of the categories teen males typically fall into and what kind of security issues they may face because of it.  Males have it easy in the sense that if they keep to themselves, stay out of other people’s business, and ensure that their actions only affect themselves or others in a positive way they can expect to remain relatively safe except for the occasional random act of violence.  The problem is that we are males.  We don’t keep to ourselves a lot of the times, we put our nose in other people’s business for whatever reason, and have an “it’s a free country so sorry if your feelings are hurt by my actions” type attitude.  And males, as my wife constantly points out, differ from females in that we usually can’t put on a happy face for those that we don’t get along with like women can.  When men piss each other off, most of the time we take care of it on the spot and that is the end of it….usually.  That kind of conflict resolution makes it almost impossible to sit here and write contingencies for every situation that pops up, which is why I generalized it.  The important take-away here is to know your teen, know what he’s about, and guide him through the rollercoaster ride until he finds himself.  Be a parent, be a mentor, and be a role model.